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27 May 2012 @ 12:35 am
fic: down, down (louis/eleanor, eleanor/harry unrequited)  
title: down, down
pairing(s): harry/louis, eleanor/harry (unrequited), louis/eleanor (sort of)
rating: nc-17, i think, for the filthy language associated with the sex.
warnings: language, sex.
word count:1,320
summary: for this prompt.
or; she can hardly blame him, not when harry looks like that, with those curls and those fucking lips. 
notes: so i really love eleanor a lot, lately, and i saw this prompt and had to try to fill it. um. i hope this is adequate? i'm honestly not sure where this came from; i was going to write it with a weird threesome thing going on but then this happened. hopefully, my el is likable. :) title and cut text from sugar, we're going down by fall out boy.
disclaimer: this is very much not true and i don't own the boys or eleanor.

down, down


eleanor isn't under any delusions about the relationship she and louis have.
she knows he and harry are fucking; there's no way they're not, not with all of the hand-holding and eye-fucking. (he doesn't even do that with her, doesn't even try to pretend he feels anything beyond the barest amount of platonic friendship towards her. not that she's bitter, or anything. she just. she expected something else when she signed up to date a member of one direction, something more real, tangible. but. she isn't complaining, not really. not even when the fans yell at her and make her feel like shit, not even when she's assaulted, time and time again, by how unreal her relationship must be, look at the proof, look at the pictures, he doesn't really love you. she's not bitter.)

but - she can hardly blame him, not when harry looks like that, with those curls and those fucking lips. 

she wants him, face pressed against her cunt, licking her out until she's screaming. she wants him, long, piano-player fingers sliding into her, playing a melody only he would know. she wants him, fucking into her, hard, until she's screaming, writhing against the sheets, back arching, coming without a care for anyone but herself.

she wants him, but she's with lou; ostensibly with lou, because it isn't as though they're putting up the facade, anymore, not really.

lou doesn't bother to try. he holds her hand, but it's limp, barely there, and he smiles at her in a different way, now.

(she likes to pretend he once loved her like he said he did, like she loved him, but as the days go on and they grow apart she wonders if that was the case and feels in her bones that it wasn't.)

lou still smiles at her, though, still kisses her fingertips when she's just that upset, and she can't be angry at him, not when he acts like that.

*

(she comes to lou and harry's flat, one day - harry invites her over, voice pitched deeper than usual, asks don't you want to see me, eleanor? it's been so long, darling and she breathes out white-sharp, whispers yeah, sure, as though she's fooling anyone with her nonchalance, as though harry doesn't know how much she wants him.

they hang out like old friends, eleanor leaning back against lou's chest, and it's nice - but later, when they think she's asleep, she hears them fucking, harry's whispers of "you want more, louis?" and lou's moans of approval, of want.

she wants both of them, in that moment, and neither of them for fucking with her like this, and she feels her stomach twist, her breaths come out shorter, but she makes herself stay still, keep breathing.

in the morning, neither of them say anything about it, and she wonders just how fucking long she has to keep up this charade.)

*

eleanor knew lou wanted harry from the beginning.

after all, it's not as though she's dumb, just because she's dating him; she's not blinded by love or any of that shit. 

she's accepting of the feelings louis has; in all honesty, she wants him to tell her, wants to be there when he tells her how he's fucking harry behind her back, as though it's some god damn secret, as though he knows how to keep things quiet. 

he'll tell her, and he'll be sorry. maybe he'll mean the apologies (but probably not, because harry makes him happier than he deserves). 

and then she'll stay with him, as far as the public eye knows. she'll stay with him, because whether she wants harry or not, (and oh, god, she does) she knows how hard it would be for him if he didn't have a girlfriend to fall back on.

she'll stay with him as long as he'll have her. she feels pathetic, but. at least she's not deluding herself into thinking it's anything more than a cover-up.

*

(harry fucks her, one night, when they're both a little bit intoxicated. lou's gone, off with lee-yum and zayn and niall, and then harry's looking at her, raising an eyebrow.

"i want to fuck you," he whispers, leaning across the table, kicking her, light, on her shin. it's probably supposed to be sexy but eleanor wants to laugh, shake her head, because he seems so fucking young in that instant.

"do you?" she whispers instead of laughing, leans so she could kiss him, if she wanted. she wants, she wants, and there's a voice in the back of her head telling her how awful this is but she doesn't care, not when harry's here, looking like this, acting as though he wants her like she wants him. they're in the back of a dark bar and they won't do anything here, wouldn't dare, but the possibility is there, weighing on both of their minds.

harry nods, quick. "and you want me, too," he says, all confidence and false bravado.

she smirks at him, raising an eyebrow. "think i'm going to leave," she says, standing up, and ruffles his hair. "you can come back with me, if you want."

he stares at her but follows her into the taxi, back to the apartment, back to each other.

they fall into harry's room, and he kisses her, hard, hands sliding up underneath her blouse, fingers touching her skin, trembling a bit from the alcohol.

"this is a bad idea," she whispers, but she doesn't move away, pulls him closer, falls back onto the bed.

harry grins at her, bright in the dark. "i don't think so," and he leans down, bites at her hipbones, makes her moan, soft, in the back of her throat.

(she comes three times, that night (his mouth his fingers his cock), and harry once, deep inside her. she groans and locks her ankles around his back, pulls him closer, closer, and his hair tickles her chin, her chest.)
after, she looks at him for a long while.

"lou and i - we're together," he finally says, biting his lip. "you should know."

she laughs.)

*

louis never really tells her.

she doesn't make him.

after she has harry, it seems crueler to draw it out, when he doesn't know about her, either. (she hopes he doesn't know. he shouldn't have to hear something like that, not when he cares so much for harry (more than he ever did for her, the cynical voice in the back of her head likes to insist when she's feeling particularly shit)).

she hears them, more than once, when she stays with them on odd occasions between trips, and she thinks about the sounds harry makes when she's alone in her room. she thinks about harry, poised above her, so quiet, and then pretends he'd wanted it like she had, had made the sounds he makes with lou.

she comes most violently, then, fucking herself on her fingers, and she wants harry (again, again) so much it almost hurts, but.

*

"i know about you and harry," she says, instead, one day, when she and lou are walking along the pier, right on the water.

louis turns to look at her, eyes wide beneath the beanie, and she's so glad no one's recognized them today because she needs to get this out.

"i'm not mad," she says, and the memory of harry assaults her in that moment - him inside her, biting into her neck. she has to close her eyes against the memory. "i just - thought you should know. you don't have to pretend."

"oh," and lou looks down. "i'm -"

"if you say 'sorry' i will hit you," and her voice is falsely bright but he pretends to believe her.

he nods.

they walk along the pier, and halfway through lou grabs her hand, linking fingers, tight.

she closes her eyes, and breathes.


 
 
booboomagoo: 1D - 1d SHHHbadjujuboo on May 27th, 2012 05:27 am (UTC)
wasnt that full of all the feelings! At least Eleanor got what she needed out of that LOL
rumpledlinenrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 01:10 pm (UTC)
aha, yes! thank yooou :)
(Deleted comment)
rumpledlinenrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 01:09 pm (UTC)
aw, thank you. :)
colazitron: Harry is a fairy tale princesscolazitron on May 27th, 2012 10:49 am (UTC)
Ouch.
rumpledlinen: quinnrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 01:07 pm (UTC)
thank you, i think!
colazitroncolazitron on May 27th, 2012 01:10 pm (UTC)
Yes, lol. I'm not sure if you meant it to be quite as painful as it felt to me, but it was very... honest, strangely.
rumpledlinenrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 01:16 pm (UTC)
I'm glad! I meant it to be fairly honest, and I'm glad that translated well. :) Thank you!
emaboutademongirl on May 27th, 2012 01:51 pm (UTC)
oh, lordy. this was so great!

oh, no. now my dreams will be ruined forever by images of louis finding out.
rumpledlinenrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 02:00 pm (UTC)
thank you! :)

oh, no! he was originally going to find out in this, but then i thought it'd end up being too long, and so i like to think he never does and el and harry both treat it as a mistake of sorts.
emaboutademongirl on May 27th, 2012 03:46 pm (UTC)
is there any way to sway you over to mini-sequel-land (where louis finds out and there is fallout but the end is still happy)? :P
rumpledlinenrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 03:55 pm (UTC)
oh, god, you are enabling me.

um. that is definitely a thing that may happen. because now i have all of these THOUGHTS and why are you doing this to me.

(can you tell i'm easily influenced)
emaboutademongirl on May 27th, 2012 04:01 pm (UTC)
i'm just going to sit here and twiddle my angst thumbs.

yes! yes! have ALL OF THE THOUGHTS! think about how louis' face will crumble! how eleanor will say something cutting about double standards! harry will feel like the floor is being ripped from underneath his feet! louis' face! their hearts! eleanor admits her feelings for harry! harry is honey badger - honey badger don't give a fuck! poor eleanor tbh, poor darling
rumpledlinen: glassesrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 04:15 pm (UTC)
i have it started. (all that i have so far is "louis finds out on a tuesday.", but. but. i don't know whether to love you or hate you. i'll settle for loving.

ahhh you are making my heart hurt. (i think harry will give a fuck, though, because he does care about lou - and the reasons for the sleeping with el will come out because, uh, upon rereading i see that i didn't make that clear but i have ALL OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES set in my mind. so.)

and i'm glad you feel sorry for el. i was afraid i didn't make her sympathetic what with her pseudo don't give a fuck attitude, so that's nice. :D
emaboutademongirl on May 27th, 2012 04:20 pm (UTC)
loooove, love me doooo xx

yes, please do love me. and feel free to rant at me if you need to complain about my terrible enabling!

i'm not going to lie, i actually really like eleanor, even though i'm a rabid louis/harry fan. and yes, i mean harry would probably not give a huge fuck about eleanor... i mean... i'm hoping? otherwise i see complete and total destruction in louis' fictional future!
rumpledlinen: glassesrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 04:27 pm (UTC)
xx i do! aha. and i may take you up on that. (also, we should be friends. i have added you. yes. hope you don't mind.)

that whole bit was inspired by the line "i'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song", so. make of that what you will. ;)

i love eleanor! ugh. i started writing this niall/eleanor on the kinkmeme (lol what the actual fuck) and then i realized just how much i love her. which is sad, because so much of fandom doesn't love her. D:
emaboutademongirl on May 27th, 2012 06:16 pm (UTC)
i am very okay with us being friends!

dsjfhdkshfdksfs wow. that line always reminds me of another line from another song - i'm just some stain here on your bedsheets, you're my diamond in the rough, which is neither here nor there, but oh well!

eleanor is so great. the hatred she gets from fandom (which lbr is 60% psycho... in a very negative way) makes me so sad. i just want to read fluffy eleanor fic!
rumpledlinen: quinnrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 06:19 pm (UTC)
hooray! :)

oh, wow. i've never heard that, but... it fits with the feel of the story, i think. at least, eleanor's thoughts.

i know, it makes me uncomfortable. i love her a lot! unfortunately, this isn't fluff. aha. is there fluffy eleanor?! because i need it for reasons.
emaboutademongirl on May 27th, 2012 06:28 pm (UTC)
it's from a paolo nutini song - candy. here it is.

it's just awkward how much hate anyone who is even remotely associated with 1d gets. caroline flack, for example. poor darling. i think there is? i believe i've read fluffy louis/eleanor. i will try to track it down!
rumpledlinen: louisrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 06:30 pm (UTC)
thank you! i will have a listen. :) or several.

exactly. i feel bad for all of them! especially when the comments become "oh, she's not even pretty", which is a bullshit excuse anyway. poor girls. and ooh, thank you!
emaboutademongirl on May 27th, 2012 08:24 pm (UTC)
it's such a great song!

negl, i have issues with the majority of fans in this fandom, haha, so i try to keep to myself. it's a good thing there are so many talented authors and such great fic! can't keep myself from reblogging 1d on tumblr or fangirling on twitter, though.
rumpledlinen: louisrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 08:29 pm (UTC)
:) i like it a lot!

i do, too. it makes me sad, but. i guess that comes with being in a fandom like this? aha, same, same. :) what's your twitter? /i will stalk your life
emaboutademongirl on May 27th, 2012 08:41 pm (UTC)
it shouldn't be, though! i was very young when i started lurking in fandoms, and i don't really remember people being this crazy.

it is horrifying how okay i am with this! my twitter handle is bildicksroman :))
(no subject) - rumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 08:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
jenniferjennifer_95 on May 27th, 2012 04:10 pm (UTC)
Poor El :( But at least she got Harry?
rumpledlinen: glassesrumpledlinen on May 27th, 2012 04:16 pm (UTC)
There's always that, yeah! :) Thank yooou.
(Deleted comment)
rumpledlinen: glassesrumpledlinen on June 1st, 2012 06:00 pm (UTC)
Aw, I'm glad that you read it even though you were hesitant. :) And thank you, that means a lot - I'm glad it read as honest.

This is so nice to read, thank you.
her name was lady liln: 1D - Windowladililn on May 30th, 2012 06:57 am (UTC)
Oh, this was great! Painful in all the right ways. *g* I love that you've given us Eleanor's perspective on all of this...brilliant.
rumpledlinen: diannarumpledlinen on May 30th, 2012 07:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. :) I appreciate that!
kewpie doll mass murderer level of cuteness: that girl has so much lovefeathertofly on September 16th, 2012 02:39 am (UTC)
I am so hardcore team threesome and I've never found a good harry/eleanor until right now so this is basically the best thing of my life, okay?