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19 July 2011 @ 06:28 pm
your eyes; a snape/lily one-shot.  
 apparently, i'm not waiting to post this fic.

okay.

Your eyes, as we said our goodbyes;
Can’t get them out of my mind, and I find
I can’t hide from your eyes.


He’s heard that the boy has his mother’s eyes, seen it himself, and he knows he should be prepared – but the knowledge is nothing when faced with it, the boy’s smirking face, and her eyes, partially hidden behind glasses.

He has to look away for a moment – because this isn’t fair –

And he remembers.

*

The time he went to see her, the last time before she died.

She’s already pregnant, her stomach sticking out – not a lot, she can’t be too far along, but enough for him to notice.

He notices things about her, different things. Her hair is shorter, now.

She shakes her head, hand on the door. “Leave me alone, Severus.”

No. “But –”

“I don’t want to see you again.” Her voice breaks. “Can’t you – haven’t you done enough?”

“But I haven’t –”

“Just go, Severus.” Her voice cracks. “This isn’t – it’s not going to work.”

“But I –”

Her eyes are filling with tears. “That’s enough. It’s too late. Maybe back when – but not now.”

It’s too late.

He can’t win this.

He squeezes his eyes shut. “I – all right.”

“Don’t try to talk to me again.” She shuts the door on him, and he hears half of a muffled sob before turning away.

*

If he would have known – if he could have – he would have told her everything, everything, and maybe she would have forgiven him, and maybe she could have – she could be alive.

He tears his eyes away from the Potter boy’s face, listening to the idiot Quirrell talk about something or other – “W-Well, the v-v-vampires are very m-m-misunderstood, you realize…” But he can’t keep listening to this.

*

The ones that took me by surprise.

The night you came into my life –

Where there’s moonlight, I see your eyes.



The first time he saw her.

She’s lying down in the grass with her sister, Petunia, and they’re talking.

Something happens – Lily does something that is magical and Petunia stands up.

“Freak!”

The word reverberates around the field, and he has just a moment of watching Lily’s face crumble before going to her, giving her a smile, because this – well, this little girl should never be sad.

“I’m Severus.”

She turns to him, and there are tears in her eyes, and still – he’s struck by them, a brilliant emerald green.

She blushes, a little bit. “Lily.”

They shake hands, and they talk, and around them, day turns to night.

He gives her a hug, and he smiles at her. “Are you okay?”

She nods, and her eyes sparkle. “Thank you.”

They hug, and he thinks that maybe this girl isn’t like other people, that maybe this girl can be more to him than anyone else ever has.

*

The memories hurt and soon the Feast is over, and he’s rushing to his rooms, pulling out her signature, holding it to him.

It’s all I have left.

She was everything to him – she was happiness and light and he can’t light a Patronus without thinking of her – without seeing her smile and hearing her laugh – and he feels tears at the corners of his eyes.

You’re going to see him around. He’s going to be here. Seven years.

The thought makes him seize up, and his teeth clench – because he doesn’t have the right to look a bit like her, he’s his father’s son and Severus knows he’s just as arrogant, just as rude.

*

How’d I let you slip away when I’m longing so to hold you?

Now I’d die for one more day – ‘cause there’s something I should have told you.



He’d had to watch her, with him, all throughout their last year, and Severus had had to watch, had listened to her.

He’d wanted to tell her – but he couldn’t make himself form the words.

“I –” he starts.

She shakes her head, holding her books, and her hair is tossed behind her. Her eyes, this time, are dry, are angry. “Stop right there. I told you – you promised.”

“But I –”

“No. James isn’t – he’s not a bad guy.”

“But he’s a prat.”

She gives him a soft smile – even now, she’s smiling at him. “You’re seeing what you want to see.” She makes a movement, almost to touch his arm, and then stops. “That’s – we’re in the past. That’s not – stop.”

He nods, and above all, he wants her to be happy, so he leaves.

*



When I looked into your eyes.

Why does distance make us wise?


And now it’s years later and he remembers it all, everything he did wrong – and he should have just told her because perhaps they could have been more, been everything.

*

He finds out that she’s going to be killed and he feels himself freeze. His blood turns to ice in his veins and he can’t think because this is his fault and he can’t care about James or the kid because – well, they can’t be as kind as Lily, can’t love as deeply as Lily does, and maybe they don’t deserve to die but neither does she, especially not her.

*

You were the song all along and before the song dies –

I should tell you, I should tell you,

I have always loved you.


*

And then it happens and he’s clutching her body and crying, sobbing, and –

“I love you, Lily, I love you, please come back to me, Lily, I love you, I love you,” the words pouring out of him almost without him meaning to say them – and he sees the baby crying and he sees James’ body but nothing else matters.

She’s gone.

“I love you, I love you.”

Harry’s eyes stare at him, so similar to hers, and when he can stand, when he’s composed enough to think, he leaves without taking a look at the baby – because he can’t.

*

You can see it in my eyes.



And then it’s years later, and he’s looking into those same eyes – and he’s accepted his fate.

“Look at me.”

I love you. I’ll be seeing you in a moment.


And he’s gone.